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hadnt drank in 104 days
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05-14-2007, 11:47 AM
#1 (Related) 1
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: somewhere in jersey
Posts: 968
hadnt drank in 104 days
I hadnt had a drink in 104 days or touched coke in any form. I popped a couple of zanax 29 days ago otherwise 104 days clean. This morning I felt like crap tired, depressed, didnt want to go to work or anywhere for that matter.
I left work early and headed to the liquor store. I am now sitting here drinking and I dont know why i came here after picking up. I should have taken a minute to think and come hear bbefore the damage was done.
I kinda knew yesterday it was only a matter of time before I picked up.
Ive been in a bad mood, nothing seems to be going right. I know I should be going to meetings and Im not.
i dont want to keep drinking I am sorry I thought i could. once I have one I cant stop myself and usually drink till I pass out. I cant believe I left work just to have a drink. Its not like I was withdrawing ar anything Ive been through that stage for months now. Sht
I left work early and headed to the liquor store. I am now sitting here drinking and I dont know why i came here after picking up. I should have taken a minute to think and come hear bbefore the damage was done.
I kinda knew yesterday it was only a matter of time before I picked up.
Ive been in a bad mood, nothing seems to be going right. I know I should be going to meetings and Im not.
i dont want to keep drinking I am sorry I thought i could. once I have one I cant stop myself and usually drink till I pass out. I cant believe I left work just to have a drink. Its not like I was withdrawing ar anything Ive been through that stage for months now. Sht
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05-14-2007, 11:59 AM
#2 (Related) 2
Community Greeter, Newcomers
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: ONTARIO
Posts: 2,867
Beth,
I've been where you're at and I understand, completely, the hopelessness you are feeling. I hope you still have the presence of mind to pour it out, pick up the phone, and call someone in the program to come pick you up and get you to a meeting. If you can't get to a meeting, pick up the phone anyway, and share with someone close to you what you are going through. This does not have to keep happening. I'm sorry you're in so much pain, but it's time to start making different choices. You know that this isn't the solution. It never was.
Rowan
I've been where you're at and I understand, completely, the hopelessness you are feeling. I hope you still have the presence of mind to pour it out, pick up the phone, and call someone in the program to come pick you up and get you to a meeting. If you can't get to a meeting, pick up the phone anyway, and share with someone close to you what you are going through. This does not have to keep happening. I'm sorry you're in so much pain, but it's time to start making different choices. You know that this isn't the solution. It never was.
Rowan
__________________
"I've developed a new philosophy - I only dread one day at a time."
Charlie Brown
05-14-2007, 12:18 PM
#4 (Related) 4
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: somewhere in jersey
Posts: 968
I Dont know who to call.
Everytime I go to meetings I go in without talking to anyone and i run out as soon as the meetings are over. Ive never spoken at the meetings or to anyone. I usually go late to avoid conversation. I dont know why I do that I get like totally paranoid when I go somewhere and I dont know anyone. That is what gets me into this trouble. If I had some #'s I might have made a call instead of sitting here drinking like a fool.
right now I know I shouold throw it out, but I cant. I already screwed up and I just want more now. I keep telling myself its OK as long as I dont do crack. That was what brought me down.
Everytime I go to meetings I go in without talking to anyone and i run out as soon as the meetings are over. Ive never spoken at the meetings or to anyone. I usually go late to avoid conversation. I dont know why I do that I get like totally paranoid when I go somewhere and I dont know anyone. That is what gets me into this trouble. If I had some #'s I might have made a call instead of sitting here drinking like a fool.
right now I know I shouold throw it out, but I cant. I already screwed up and I just want more now. I keep telling myself its OK as long as I dont do crack. That was what brought me down.
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05-14-2007, 12:18 PM
#5 (Related) 5
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 1,671
it took me almost a year to get my first 6 months.
I dun no..i relaped on my way to a meeting.
Wake up with a big ass headache and hung over.
The hell with that...i don't need that kind of an experince.
Had to go get another 24 hour chip again..
I didn't really want to go through those damn withdraws or stages again,
i mean they did tell me it would get better..just had to stop shooting
myself in the foot and let it get better.
tipical disease talking...you f-up so you might as well do it right.
oki doki charactor of defect....the defect is in apply it wrong or not being appropricate.
let's put it in a proper perspective or a positive spin on it.
If I'm going to get sober , I might as well do it right...
I dun no..i relaped on my way to a meeting.
Wake up with a big ass headache and hung over.
The hell with that...i don't need that kind of an experince.
Had to go get another 24 hour chip again..
I didn't really want to go through those damn withdraws or stages again,
i mean they did tell me it would get better..just had to stop shooting
myself in the foot and let it get better.
tipical disease talking...you f-up so you might as well do it right.
oki doki charactor of defect....the defect is in apply it wrong or not being appropricate.
let's put it in a proper perspective or a positive spin on it.
If I'm going to get sober , I might as well do it right...
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05-14-2007, 12:20 PM
#6 (Related) 6
change is GOOD
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in the present moment
Posts: 1,518
Hey Beth,
pour it out. all of it.
Take a shower and see if you can get to a meeting this evening. You can get back if you dont let yourself fall down too far this time.
pour it out. all of it.
Take a shower and see if you can get to a meeting this evening. You can get back if you dont let yourself fall down too far this time.
__________________
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05-14-2007, 12:21 PM
#7 (Related) 7
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: somewhere in jersey
Posts: 968
I want to be healthy and sane.
I should go for a walk or something I am being stupid. I know I cant drink,maybee I wont do crack this time, but maybe I might. How could I be this stupid I should remember that once I have a little buzz going all bets are off.
I should go for a walk or something I am being stupid. I know I cant drink,maybee I wont do crack this time, but maybe I might. How could I be this stupid I should remember that once I have a little buzz going all bets are off.
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05-14-2007, 12:24 PM
#8 (Related) 8
Community Greeter, Newcomers
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: ONTARIO
Posts: 2,867
Pour it out , Beth. Call AA - look it up in the phone book or tell me where you are and I'll get you a number. Go get a 24 hour chip and stay after the meeting. Others will come to you and offer their phone numbers. If they don't, ask.
__________________
"I've developed a new philosophy - I only dread one day at a time."
Charlie Brown
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05-14-2007, 12:26 PM
#9 (Related) 9
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 1,671
you suffer from a disease known as alcoholism...
it's cunning, baffling and powerful...
you can't think your way into recovery.
you can always think your way into a drunk tho.lol
it's cunning, baffling and powerful...
you can't think your way into recovery.
you can always think your way into a drunk tho.lol
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05-14-2007, 12:33 PM
#10 (Related) 10
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: somewhere in jersey
Posts: 968
There is a meeting tonight, but it isnt for another 5 hours
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05-14-2007, 12:40 PM
#11 (Related) 11
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 1,671
okay...you wanna chat for another 5 hours..I'm here.
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05-14-2007, 12:48 PM
#12 (Related) 12
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: somewhere in jersey
Posts: 968
I have to get out of this house or throw the alcohol away or something. it has to go, even if I leave and dont throw it out it will only be here when i get back.
I have to go to get something toeat maybe that will make me feel better.
I need to spend this $ so I dont buy drugs. I want to talk, but I fel the need to get out of the apartment. i will be back Thanks!
I have to go to get something toeat maybe that will make me feel better.
I need to spend this $ so I dont buy drugs. I want to talk, but I fel the need to get out of the apartment. i will be back Thanks!
05-14-2007, 01:53 PM
#16 (Related) 16
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: somewhere in jersey
Posts: 968
I went out borrowed my neighbors bicycle, took a ride.
got some food in me, but the booze is still here I just cant or wont throw it out. My head is in the place where whatever I can take I will.
When I went out I rode right through all the familiar places looking for someone I know. I dont want to admit it, but I went looking to get high. A couple of beers is all it takes and i am off and running again.
Drinking and drugging go hand in hand for me I cant do one without the other anymore.
got some food in me, but the booze is still here I just cant or wont throw it out. My head is in the place where whatever I can take I will.
When I went out I rode right through all the familiar places looking for someone I know. I dont want to admit it, but I went looking to get high. A couple of beers is all it takes and i am off and running again.
Drinking and drugging go hand in hand for me I cant do one without the other anymore.
05-14-2007, 02:14 PM
#18 (Related) 18
Seeker
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: in my own little world....
Posts: 1,625
Quote:
A couple of beers is all it takes and i am off and running again. Drinking and drugging go hand in hand for me I cant do one without the other anymore.
take my advice please - there's a lot of people here who care for you - think about stopping this now. Nip this in the bud.
Get back to the programme and back to being the person you know, and we all know, you *really* are.
hugs
D
__________________
If possible, try and find a way to come downstairs that doesn't involve going bump bump bump on the back of your head
05-14-2007, 02:20 PM
#19 (Related) 19
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: somewhere in jersey
Posts: 968
Dee thats exactly how I am thinking. I already f'd up so what the hell.
I have someone coming over. Soon I hope I need help saving myself from myself.
NOw that I know she is coming, instead of dumping this crap down the sink I think I am drinking faster so I can get more in me before she comes and guilts me into submission.
I have someone coming over. Soon I hope I need help saving myself from myself.
NOw that I know she is coming, instead of dumping this crap down the sink I think I am drinking faster so I can get more in me before she comes and guilts me into submission.
05-14-2007, 02:36 PM
#21 (Related) 21
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: somewhere in jersey
Posts: 968
Im playing the tape to the end it isnt a very happy ending.
Im trying to dump it. I made it to the sink, but I stopped. At this point there isnt much to dump anyway. Im just waitng for the babysitter now.
Hopefully she will come soon.
I feel like doing major damage in the recovery department. I am sober enough to know that is just the alcohol talking. If I ever take another hit of crack or do heroin again I dont think I will ever forgive myself.
Im gonna keep playing that tape to the end.
Im trying to dump it. I made it to the sink, but I stopped. At this point there isnt much to dump anyway. Im just waitng for the babysitter now.
Hopefully she will come soon.
I feel like doing major damage in the recovery department. I am sober enough to know that is just the alcohol talking. If I ever take another hit of crack or do heroin again I dont think I will ever forgive myself.
Im gonna keep playing that tape to the end.
05-14-2007, 02:54 PM
#22 (Related) 22
Seeker
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: in my own little world....
Posts: 1,625
Quote:
Im playing the tape to the end it isnt a very happy ending.
Im trying to dump it. I made it to the sink, but I stopped. At this point there isnt much to dump anyway. Im just waitng for the babysitter now.
Hopefully she will come soon.
I feel like doing major damage in the recovery department. I am sober enough to know that is just the alcohol talking. If I ever take another hit of crack or do heroin again I dont think I will ever forgive myself.
Im gonna keep playing that tape to the end.
Im trying to dump it. I made it to the sink, but I stopped. At this point there isnt much to dump anyway. Im just waitng for the babysitter now.
Hopefully she will come soon.
I feel like doing major damage in the recovery department. I am sober enough to know that is just the alcohol talking. If I ever take another hit of crack or do heroin again I dont think I will ever forgive myself.
Im gonna keep playing that tape to the end.
but you know no matter what happens, we'll all be here, cos we know the real Beth
D
__________________
If possible, try and find a way to come downstairs that doesn't involve going bump bump bump on the back of your head
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